78R12857 JHS-D

By:  Pitts                                                        H.R. No. 865



R E S O L U T I O N
	WHEREAS, One of the state's most outrageous political 
consultants recently stumbled into his sixth decade, a feat that is 
all the more remarkable given his unrepentant ways and means, which 
most people assumed would at the very least have landed him in the 
pokey by now; and
	WHEREAS, Born April 18, 1953, to somewhat proud parents 
Dorothy Nell and Billy Ray Pewitt, the no-longer-young Bill Randall 
Pewitt eked his way through the Fort Worth public school system and 
somehow convinced the powers-that-be at The University of Texas at 
Arlington to present him with a diploma in 1975; and
	WHEREAS, With a bachelor's degree in political science in his 
back pocket, he wrangled a job with the comptroller's office under 
the legendary Bob Bullock; in 1977 he made his way into the Capitol, 
and it now appears that there is little chance of him ever leaving, 
despite the wishes of those who have had the "privilege" of working 
with him; and
	WHEREAS, Old Man Pewitt and his lovely wife, the former 
Shannon Elizabeth McCann, recently celebrated their 21st 
anniversary; ever in search of an edge, Mr. Pewitt arranged for his 
nuptials to take place the day before his birthday, thereby 
minimizing the chances of forgetting his own anniversary; of 
course, at his advanced age, his memory is not what it used to be, so 
all bets are off from here on out; and
	WHEREAS, When not scaring other people's children, Old Man 
Pewitt enjoys exploiting his own offspring for his personal gain or 
for the benefit of his clients; his two-year-old daughter recently 
attended an appropriations hearing and, at his behest, cried out, 
"Give my daddy his money back right now!"; and
	WHEREAS, During a recent visit to the Capitol, son Jack 
appropriated Speaker Craddick's gavel, no doubt at the urging of 
his father; eldest son Will, who served as a congressional intern in 
2002, was surely an unwitting accomplice in some nefarious scheme 
to infiltrate the federal government; and
	WHEREAS, Famed, or infamous, for his elaborate parties, Old 
Man Pewitt is indirectly responsible for countless attendees 
showing up late or calling in sick on the mornings after; of course, 
the host is always on time, fueled by the steady stream of Diet Coke 
that he ingests on a daily basis; and
	WHEREAS, Despite the inevitable loss of his mental and 
physical faculties, Old Man Pewitt can take solace in the fact that 
his beautiful wife, Shannon, and his dynamic assistant, Alison, 
will be on hand to look after him as he enters his golden years, and 
we can all be especially thankful for this fact because it means 
that we don't have to; now, therefore, be it
	RESOLVED, That the House of Representatives of the 78th Texas 
Legislature hereby commiserate with Bill Randall Pewitt on his 50th 
birthday and extend deepest sympathy to him on becoming officially 
old; and, be it further
	RESOLVED, That an official copy of this resolution be 
presented to Old Man Pewitt to remind him that he really is 50, 
despite what he tells everyone.