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78R13284 JHS-D
By: Pitts H.R. No. 912
R E S O L U T I O N
WHEREAS, One of the state's most outrageous political
consultants recently stumbled into his sixth decade, a feat that is
all the more remarkable given his unrepentant ways and means, which
most people assumed would at the very least have landed him in the
pokey by now; and
WHEREAS, Born April 18, 1953, to somewhat proud parents
Dorothy Nell and Billy Ray Pewitt, the no-longer-young Billy
Randell Pewitt eked his way through the Fort Worth public school
system and somehow convinced the powers-that-be at The University
of Texas at Arlington to present him with a diploma in 1975; and
WHEREAS, With a bachelor's degree in political science in his
back pocket, he wrangled a job with the comptroller's office under
the legendary Bob Bullock; in 1977 he made his way into the Capitol,
and it now appears that there is little chance of him ever leaving,
despite the wishes of those who have had the "privilege" of working
with him; and
WHEREAS, Old Man Pewitt and his lovely wife, the former
Shannon Elizabeth McCann, recently celebrated their 21st
anniversary; ever in search of an edge, Mr. Pewitt arranged for his
nuptials to take place the day before his birthday, thereby
minimizing the chances of forgetting his own anniversary; of
course, at his advanced age, his memory is not what it used to be, so
all bets are off from here on out; and
WHEREAS, When not scaring other people's children, Old Man
Pewitt enjoys exploiting his own offspring for his personal gain or
for the benefit of his clients; his two-year-old daughter recently
attended an appropriations hearing and, at his behest, cried out,
"Give my daddy his money back right now!"; and
WHEREAS, During a recent visit to the Capitol, son Jack
appropriated Speaker Craddick's gavel, no doubt at the urging of
his father; eldest son Will, who served as a congressional intern in
2002, was surely an unwitting accomplice in some nefarious scheme
to infiltrate the federal government; and
WHEREAS, Famed, or infamous, for his elaborate parties, Old
Man Pewitt is indirectly responsible for countless attendees
showing up late or calling in sick on the mornings after; of course,
the host is always on time, fueled by the steady stream of Diet Coke
that he ingests on a daily basis; and
WHEREAS, Despite the inevitable loss of his mental and
physical faculties, Old Man Pewitt can take solace in the fact that
his long-suffering, beautiful trophy wife, Shannon, and his dynamic
assistant, Alison, will be on hand to look after him as he enters
his golden years, and we can all be especially thankful for this
fact because it means that we don't have to; now, therefore, be it
RESOLVED, That the House of Representatives of the 78th Texas
Legislature hereby commiserate with Billy Randell Pewitt on his
50th birthday and extend deepest sympathy to him on becoming
officially old; and, be it further
RESOLVED, That an official copy of this resolution be
presented to Old Man Pewitt to remind him that he really is 50,
despite what he tells everyone.